2 Samuel 16:9,11 - "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head...let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord hath bidden him."

Matthew 7:15 - “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

Matthew 24:11 - “…and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people.”

Saturday, October 14, 2017

ACBL Releases Their 95 Theses on Authentic Christian Legal Counseling

Jacksonville, FL (WD) - The Association of Certified Biblical Lawyers (ACBL) last week released their "95 Theses for an Authentically Christian Commitment to Legal Counseling", just days 2 weeks after the Association of Christian Biblical Counselors (ACBC) released THEIR 95 Theses for Christian Counselors. Both of these sets of theses are released to coincide with this month's 500 anniversary of Martin Luther posting his 95 theses condemning the Catholic Church's use of indulgences.

Mr. A.C. Pout, head of the ACBL, said that it is time for Christian attorneys to commit to using the bible as the only source of legal counsel and rejecting "secular legal theory", just as the ACBC has told Christians everywhere that "secular psychology" is not necessary, but the bible is wholly sufficient for any counseling session.

"Modern, secular legal practices are not affirmed by the Holy Scriptures," said Mr. Pout. "No one has ever proved that the Holy Scriptures are not sufficient to provide a complete legal system for all people, all societies, everywhere."

According to Mr. Pout, ACBL's 95 theses include a commitment to the returning to tried and tested  and God-ordained Old Testament legal practices, which the ACBL claims are keys to a wholesome society, and spiritually content citizens. The legal practices ACBL pursues including a uniform flat 10% tax or "tithe" to the government, death penalty by stoning for murder, adultery, bestiality, male-male sexual intercourse,  wives not found to be virgins on their wedding night, and when a man meets a betrothed woman in town and sleeps with her.

"These are ALL legal practices prescribed in the Lord's holy scriptures," said Pout. "To proclaim that they are not sufficient for today's society is to reject the sufficiency of scripture. I call on all lawyers who are rejecting the sufficiency of God's word to repent. In our legal system we have a huge bibical sufficiency problem, and the ACBL seeks to correct it."

The ACBL will be holding their annual conference in Jacksonville in November. The theme of the conference will be "How Then Shall We Lawyer?"

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Steven Furtick to Release New Children's Book: "Horton Pays a Tithe"

Charlotte, NC (WD) - WD Press learned today that Elevation Church megachurch pastor Steven Furtick has signed a contract with Westbow Publishers to collaborate
on a new children's book to teach young Christians the importance of storehouse tithing.

The book is near completion, and is entitled "Horton Pays a Tithe". The book will be a sequel to Dr. Seuss' 1954 children's classic "Horton Hears a Who".

"Today's children are tomorrow's church leaders, deacons, and megachurch pastors", Furtick told WD Press. "Storehouse tithing is critical for the Lord's church to do the work Jesus has called them to, so the kids need to know just how important it is for EVERYONE - even Horton - to pay their tithe to the Lord."

In the book, the mayor of Who-ville shares with Horton a tithing sermon preached by Pastor Furtick, and Horton comes to the dreadful realization that he's been robbing the Lord because he hasn't paid a tithe on the peanuts he eats for his sustenance.

"In the book Horton realizes that without paying the tithe, he can never receive God's blessings, he can never be the wonderful Who-ville elephant God created him to be," said Furtick. "This will help today's children realize that believing in Jesus is not just about their eternal salvation, but that accepting Jesus means obtaining God's blessings only after they are obedient in bringing their tithe to the storehouse, God's church."

Furtick said that the idea of the book came to him when the Lord spoke to him while he was inquiring of the Lord why so few professing adult Christians actually obey God by tithing.  "We wonder why adult church members don't bring their tithe each week - and I think the Lord has shown me the answer is because they weren't taught it from an early age. Horton tithed on his peanuts, and children must be taught that God's love for them does depend in part in them tithing on their allowance and lunch money, and even on gifts they receive from Grandma and Grandpa."

The book shows Horton's humorous and fun-filled journey from God-robber to tithe-payer, when he finally makes his way from Who-ville to Pastor Furtick's church to deliver his tithe peanuts and sign his tithing pledge card just in time.

The book is scheduled to be released in April, coinciding with Pastor Furtick's Orange Code Revival. The foreward will reportedly be written jointly by Perry Noble, Robert Morris, Ronnie Floyd, and Steve Gaines.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

James MacDonald Announces New Book: "Gambling for the Lord Jesus Christ"

Chicago, IL (WD) - Watchdog Press has learned that Pastor James MacDonald very soon will release his first book on Christian gambling. MacDonald is the former senior pastor of Harvest Bible Church, although still preaches at some of the church locations and other venues.

"Prayer is powerful. I have found that while playing Texas Hold 'Em, my prayer life has been enhanced greatly as I ask the Lord to let me hit my flush on the river," said MacDonald. The "river" is the last of five cards revealed in a hand of Texas Hold 'Em, which MacDonald says is one of his games of choice.

MacDonald said one of his goals in publishing this book is to help faithful Christians see that the Holy Spirit is our helper in all situations of life.  "The Lord can come to our aid in all areas of life, there are no exceptions. Poker is a wonderful metaphor for life. We think we have it all together - we metaphorically think our jack-high straight is a winner, and then the Evil One helps a non-believer take the pot with an ace-high straight on the river. Such is life - but with the Holy Spirit's help we can overcome."

MacDonald says that Jesus makes the difference in all areas of life: our work, our marriage, even when we're wearing a poker face trying to take other people's money. "I've preached my entire life the bottom line of the gospel is 'Jesus makes all the difference'.  Well, at the poker table, Jesus makes the difference. My opponents try to get a read on me when we're head-to-head, and little do they know I've got Jesus sitting right there with me, interceding on my behalf to help me win the hand, getting just the right card to hit my straight or my flush."

"If you can't trust Jesus with your poker hand, how can you trust him with your eternal salvation?", asks MacDonald.

In the book MacDonald addresses the doctrine of tithing and its metaphorical connection to gambling. MacDonald is one of modern evangelicalism's foremost proponents of storehouse tithing, a popular doctrine which says Christians absolutely must tithe 10% of their gross income to their church before they can ever expect to receive God's blessings. "Poker again is a wonderful metaphor for the tithe: how do you hope to win the pot, if you aren't willing to put your money in the kitty?" said MacDonald.  "It is how the Lord's system works: you can't expect to win the pot or high hand, if you aren't bellying-up and putting your money on the table."

The book will be released in December, and MacDonald will be in Jacksonville, Florida in January to kick off his book tour.

Saturday, September 23, 2017

"Are There Really Demonic Clowns in Sewers?" Asks SBC Voices

Peoria, IL (WD Press) - Are there really Satanic clowns in America’s sewers seeking to devour our children, as portrayed in the smash box office movie thriller “It”?

Dave Miller and his fellow seminarians at the SBC Voices website can’t conclusively rule out the possibility.

After debating last week on their website and considering this year’s active hurricane season may be a sign of God’s judgment on America, SBC Voices contributors believe it is possible Satanic clowns exist in our sewers to torment boys and girls.

“The Devil is most certainly a clown, a sort of ‘trickster’ of followers of the Lord Jesus, and the Word of the Lord is clear that we are fighting powers in the ever present world of darkness,” wrote Dave Miller. “And there are few ‘worlds’ in our modern urban society as dark as a municipal sewer system.  So really the idea of a real devil-clown in a real sewer in a real city is not beyond the theological reach of the Holy Scriptures.”

And Christians’ ideas and concepts of reality must be held captive by the scriptures, said Miller.

“Our views must be shaped by God’s word, even if that makes them unpopular,” continued Miller. “ I know that is totally uncool, folks, but demonic clowns in sewers may be totally biblical.”

Miller told WD Press that his conclusion last week regarding God judging American thru devastating hurricanes applies to demonic clowns in municipal sewers:

“Let us trust God’s sovereignty and not commit the sin of hubris – acting as if we have insight into the inner workings of the Godhead that we don’t have. Clowns in sewers or not, the Lord still reigns supreme.”

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Gerald Harris of Georgia Baptists' "Christian Index", Plagiarizes FBC Jax Watchdog

Poe's Law Disclaimer:  FBC Jax Watchdog occasionally posts satire articles. You will know it is satire when I refer to "Watchdog Press" in the dateline and article....otherwise, the posts might SEEM like satire - as many of my stories are unbelievable - but they will be truthful.
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Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that Gerald Harris, editor of the Georgia Baptists' news journal "Christian Index", considers the FBC Jax Watchdog blog worthy of quoting. But Harris should at least give credit when he uses my original expressions. On September 7th, Gerald Harris published "Homer Gentry Lindsay, Jr - Soul-Winning Pastor" as a part of a series of "great men of God" Harris has known.  Harris used my own article on Homer Lindsay from 2010 as a source of his information, but he was extremely careless in his use of my original expressions - not giving me credit for direct quotes, and using several sentences with just a slight re-wording and then presenting them as his own original thoughts.

Even when Harris did use quotations on a portion of my article, he didn't do it accurately - adding a sentence I did not say within quotations to change the overall meaning and intent of my paragraph. That is terrible. He really should correct this if he has any journalistic integrity.

Keep in mind, Harris is not just some obscure blogger, and not just some country bumpkin backwoods Georgia preacher. According to his Christian Index biography, he is the author of three books, holds a Master's degree from Southwest Baptist Theological Seminary, has published articles for Christian magazines and has served as the Georgia state convention president. Oh, and he has a doctor of ministry degree from Luther Rice seminary.

I must say I'm not surprised that Harris would do this - Harris blew much of his credibility when he was a staunch supporter of Ergun Caner for president of Georgia Baptist's college, Brewton Parker, back in 2014. As I wrote about here, Harris described Caner during a church service  - after all the allegations were out about Caner's decade of deceit - as "..one of the finest preachers in all of America..." and "...one of the foremost preachers in America...". Harris then went on to encourage the church members to bring all of their children to come and hear Caner. 

And Mr. Harris, you will see in my 2014 article when I quoted you, I did it accurately. I transcribed your exact words, and gave you full credit for them. 

Below are the comparisons:
























Notice above he does refer to "one writer"...but doesn't say who. Probably Harris doesn't want his fellow Georgia Baptists to know he is using the hated FBC Jax Watchdog as a source. Here is the FBC Jax Watchdog article excerpt:


Later in the article, Harris refers to "One blogger" - yours truly - and says this:

Here is the paragraph from the FBC Jax Watchdog article Harris is using:


Now the somewhat humorous part of this: Harris included an interview with Jerry Vines about his co-pastor of 15 years, Homer Lindsay. It is somewhat ironic that Harris used my article about Homer, when the purpose of my article was not just to discuss the attributes of Homer Lindsay but to contrast them to Homer Lindsay's successors, like Jerry Vines, whom Harris used as another source of his article.

Maybe Peter Lumpkins can contact Gerald Harris and teach him how to properly cite others' work, and how to avoid plagiarism. 

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Poe's Law - Watchdog Post on Hurricane Irma and Tithing Provides Evidence

As Hurricane Irma approaches Florida, a few comments:

The previous blog post "Jacksonville Megachurch Pastors Hold Tithing Vigil to Steer Irma Away from City" has provided rock-solid proof of Poe's Law. If you've never heard of Poe's Law, here is Wikipedia's definition:
"Poe's law is an adage of Internet culture stating that, without a clear indicator of the author's intent, it is impossible to create a parody of extreme views so obviously exaggerated that it cannot be mistaken by some readers or viewers as a sincere expression of the parodied views."
My satire piece on tithing - as nutty as it was - was apparently mistaken by hundreds on Facebook as being a real article. The blog blew up with hits from Facebook with people expressing disgust over pastors who would exploit people's hurricane fears to get them to tithe. I also received three emails inquiring whether the article was real or not!

But many Christians mistook this for a real article as they likely HAVE seen pastors use fear of God's punishment as a way to get peeps to fork over 10% of their income. I've chronicled this practice by many pastors. Some have said God will collect your unpaid tithes through car crashes, appliances failing, calamity involving your children, and the ever popular God "poking holes in your purses". Tim Maynard here in Jacksonville said that if you have a wayward child, God may be waiting for you to stroke a tithe check before he will intervene and bring your son back home. It is all sick stuff which will continue, as sane people spot the charlatans and bolt from these churches, leaving higher concentrations of nuts in the pews who are susceptible to such manipulations.

But notice in the Wikipedia definition of Poe's law the phrase "...without a clear indicator of the author's intent..."  On my blog I do post satire pieces. I always have, although have been trying my hand at it more frequently. Now I have begun giving a "clear indicator" of satire, using a dateline like "Jacksonville, FL (WD)" and referring to the "Watchdog Press". So if you're not sure, look for that.

Finally, I've noticed here in Jacksonville that many of the pastors are putting Facebook live videos up encouraging their members to pray Hurricane Irma away, to trust in God, be strong in the Lord, and so on. I was aghast at one particular video when at the end, the pastor encouraged the people to do what they are supposed to do as good Christians even in the face of impending disaster: send your tithe money electronically before the storm hits. Yes, the pastor wasn't encouraging them to send money to disaster relief, but instead to send it quickly to the church before the storm arrives.

Nothing like hitting the peeps up one last time for a chunk of cash before they lose everything - to explain why Christians can't spot satire of their men of God.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Jacksonville Megachurch Pastors Hold Tithing Vigil to Steer Irma Away from City

Jacksonville, FL (WD) - Watchdog Press has learned megachurch pastors in Jacksonville, Florida will hold Thursday what they are calling a "tithing vigil" to prompt the Lord Jesus Christ to steer Hurricane Irma away from Jacksonville.

"I have known for some time that the terrible rate of tithing among church members will eventually bring our city to destruction," said Stuart Weems of Collaboration Church. "The Lord's patience can only be tested so long - and now it looks like we will be paying the price unless His people belly up to the pew and pay their tithes."

But the megachurch pastors - many of them who have large financial investments in Jacksonville in their million dollar homes and other real estate investments - believe there is still time to sway God's mind if enough Christians quickly show their willingness to fork over the required 10% tithe.

"God can and will change his mind, if His people will hear His voice and tithe", said a spokesman for Collaboration Church. "Our church will open at 7:00 am Thursday to begin the collection of tithes from recalcitrant, God-robbing Christians from all over the First Coast. These funds will likely be used to help those cities who do end up being battered from Hurricane Irma after the Lord steers her away from our city - or to rebuild our pastors' homes if enough Christians don't respond in time to change God's mind and change Irma's path."

One local pastor said anonymously that "God collects on what he is owed. God collects on it....God says when you are to bring the tithe and you refuse to do it, he will poke holes in your purses and bring calamity on your city". The pastor was quoting out of Haggai chapter 1 in the Old Testament.

There is some precedent of setting a deadline for God's people to get caught up on their tithing to appease an angry God.  Former Southern Baptist Convention president Ronnie Floyd in 2014 famously set a deadline for Christians to get "caught up" on their tithing:
"The key question we [pastors] need to ask [church members] repeatedly: As you review and understand clearly ALL of your sources of income in 2014, have you honored God by giving at least the first one-tenth to your local church? If you have not, then insure you do so before December 31 so that you can know you have walked in complete obedience to God in 2014 in relationship to biblical stewardship."
"Last year hurricane Matthew should have been a wake-up call to Christians all over the Jacksonville area", said pastor Tom Fester of Trinity Church. "But giving at our church and other mega churches in this area has actually declined since Hurricane Matthew grazed us last year. Apparently non-tithing Christians have not learned their lesson."

The tithing vigil will begin at 7:00 am on Thursday at Collaboration Church off of the I-295 East Beltway, and will remain open until 7:00 pm to collect tithes. Call the church for more details on how to give by phone or online.


Sunday, August 20, 2017

Why Would a Megachurch Experience Decline?

I was pondering an interesting question today after seeing a megachurch pastor preach about reasons a church experiences decline.

What would cause a once flourishing, growing, powerful mega church begin to experience a steady decline in attendance, baptisms, financial support, and influence in its city?

It is a question that members, lay leaders, and financial contributors to a mega church need to ask themselves if they see a downward trajectory.

And to be sure, you can't rely on a seminarian in the pulpit to give you answers and solutions, for several reasons.

Firstly, the pastor will never blame themselves or other members of the staff or their leadership, even if that is a contributing factor.

Secondly, most seminarians aren't interested in dealing with data and facts, but with what some string of unrelated scriptures might say about their church or the people in the church, or what Jesus said in one of the gospels. A seminarian's solution to their church downward spiral is to be found in their KJV or NIV.

But there is data available, research has been done, as to what is happening overall in modern evangelicalism, and what in particular might be the contributing factors for any single church decline.

Not only is research data available to help provide answers, but a common sense, clear-headed examination of the pastors and the competitive operating environment is needed.

Then, solutions might be found.

But a solution is not to blame the people for not loving Jesus enough, or not telling enough people in your city about the lovely Lord Jesus.

Let's examine some of the reasons a mega church may experience decline.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Modern Day "Circuit Riders": Traveling Mega Church Pastors Finding Another Way to Fleece the Flocks and Recycle Their Sermons


In the next installment of the best of the FBC Jax Watchdog, I am posting an updated and revised article from 2011 on Modern Day Circuit Riders. Nothing has changed since this article first posted - preachers double-dipping by recycling their sermons on the preaching circuit. Another method to fleece the sheep.

Enjoy.

FBC Jax Watchdog
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In the late 1700s and early 1800s, the Methodists used "circuit rider" preachers to minister to rural flocks. In our modern evangelical mega church world, we have our own sort of "circuit rider" - the traveling mega church preacher fleecing congregations by accepting large sums of money for recycled sermons at churches they visit.

Just look at who was preaching where this summer [2001], and you see a virtual guest-speaker fest. It is hard to keep track of 'em all. Johnny Hunt goes on sabbatical, and Woodstock has to not only continue to pay Hunt's salary and bennies, they have to pay to bring in some big name preachers to preach the word.

Steve Gaines was preaching at Johnny Hunt's church last Sunday on his vacation, then on Wednesday he preached at Charles Stanley's church. Not bad, get your vacation fully paid by popping into a few churches to recycle an old sermon and tell the peeps they're thieves unless they give the magical 10%. Gaines' church in turn has to hire speakers for the Sunday night sermons in August. [correction: Gaines' church brings in the big guns on Wednesday nights in August, has for several years].

The emergents are masters at this. They travel to each others' churches and conferences and push their books, and expand their market for selling their Holy Land trips and building their brand image.

My word, Steve Gaines is even taking speaking gigs at the Assemblies of God functions!

Jack Graham of Prestonwood Baptist Church flew out to Charlotte to be at emergent Steven Furtick's church this weekend, while Kevin Ezell comes to Prestonwood to fill in for Pastor Jack. It is a musical chairs of preachers during the summer as they earn extra scratch for their new boat or condo.

Why do they do this? Of course they will tell you they have the most noble of intentions. They are just spreading the gospel, right?

No, not really. It is another example of how the great masses in mega churches are fleeced by greedy mega men of God. Their sermons are already on the Internet, and we don't need to fly them in. It is all completely unnecessary. You want to hear Perry Noble tell you you're scum? Go to his website. Want to hear the latest tithing nonsense? Dial up Gaines or Young on your browser. You don't need to fly him in to the church. Besides, can't other staff members at the church fill in for the mega church pastor who is on vacation or sabbatical? The sad answer is no, they can't, because they aren't celebrities. Many worshipers view Johnny Hunt preaching behind their pulpit in the same way a giggling high school girl would see Justin Beiber crooning at their high school. It is all about celebrity.

Insiders tell me that visiting preachers at mega churches will earn up to $3000 for a Sunday morning sermon, or $5000 if they do the hard work of staying over and preaching the Sunday evening sermon also. But I'm sure they have not one iota of guilt, since they tithe on the money, which makes them super spiritual.

Not bad scratch. If they earn $3000 in addition to their travel, meals and lodging, that is about $100 per minute for an average 30-minute sermon. Not an hour. A MINUTE. That is professional baseball player per minute money. While churches everywhere are seeing their revenue continue to decline, the mega church pastors are hot and heavy to get out on the circuit to get their share of the visiting preacher dollars.

And usually what they are preaching is a sermon that is recycled from one they just were paid to prepare and preach at their mega church. Nothing new or fresh. Johnny Hunt does it. Steve Gaines does it. The master was Ergun Caner - as for years and years he was preaching virtually the same story, same jokes and lines at churches all over the country.

Sometimes preachers are brought in to do the dirty work of the pastor. One of the more brazen moves was Perry Noble of NewSpring church hiring Robert Morris to come in for two straight weeks to beat up the sheep over tithing, telling them of the curse on them and their money unless they gave Perry's church 10% of their income. Shameless.

And don't get me started on the Holy Land trips and luxury cruises hosted by the pastor and his family. I'm just amazed that in these days where governments at all levels are searching for creative ways to gain new revenue that they haven't figured out there is an entire market that continues to operate tax-free.

So next time the visiting mega church preacher shows up at your church, put a little extra in the offering plate for the poor traveling preacher.

And the next time YOUR mega church pastor takes a sabbatical, you might be shocked to see him preaching the very same sermon multiple times out on the circuit. And the crowds will be eating it up.

Monday, August 7, 2017

NSA Has Secretly Wiretapped a Conversation of God "Calling" a Southern Baptist Pastor to Change Churches

Washington, DC (WD Press) - Sources inside the the National Security Agency (NSA) have contacted WD Press to leak information about what may be the first wiretapped "calls of God" to a Southern Baptist mega church pastor to change churches.

According to the NSA and the the Department of Homeland Security, a pastor surveillance program was initiated under the Obama Administration in 2009 after SBC megachurch pastors began claiming as far back as 2005 that it was God who "called" them to leave a church and go to another one, usually a much bigger one, with ironically always a much larger salary and benefits package.

"If these pastors have a direct line of communication with some sky fairy or higher power that is giving them audible, specific directives, resulting in a great gain in personal wealth and power, it is in the best interests of the federal government to know the details and origins of such communications and how they might be used by other men of God in other religions for nefarious purposes," said the NSA source to the WD Press on Monday.

Steve Gaines, the President of the Southern Baptist Convention, and Lord Albert Mohler of the Southern Seminary, have issued a joint statement condemning the wiretapping program and the latest leak.

"The communications between God and SBC mega church pastors are private and protected by the first amendment and the oracles of God Almighty and in the matchless name or our Lord Jesus Christ", said Gaines and Mohler. "To think that our godless government under the Obama Administration has been surveilling our trusted men of God should send chills down the spine of every God-fearing American. We call on President Trump and the head of the NSA to put an immediate halt to the pastor surveillance program, and we ask Attorney General Sessions to prosecute the leakers to the fullest extent of the law. "

According to sources inside the Department of Homeland Security, the surveillance program was almost scrapped after only one year due to the logistical challenges presented in capturing many of these "calls of God" to SBC megachurch pastors.

"Some of these 'calls of God' were made while pastors were riding donkeys up the sides of mountains in the Middle East," said the DHS source, "Or while on long sabbaticals where the whereabouts of the pastor were unknown by even their own church members, as the pastors left town unexpectedly for long periods of time."

The NSA leaker has told WD Press the name of the pastor who was "called" by God last week, and the churches involved. At this time, however, the WD Press can only confirm that the call of God did indeed involve an enormous pay increase, a 1500 square foot office, a land gift and interest-free loan to build an 8500 square foot home, and an 8-week sabbatical - at his new position that God "called" him to take.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Reminder of Why We Have Pompous Pastors in the Pulpit: They Learned it from the Master Manipulator Himself, Lord Paige Patterson

The next installment of the "Best of FBC Jax Watchdog" is a must see for all SBC church members. If you wonder why so many SBC pastors are pompous jackasses in the pulpit strutting around and popping off with phony doctrines to manipulate the sheep, your answer is right here.

Below I have captured a seminary chapel sermon preached by Lord Paige Patterson, on tithing. He has the audacity to say college students are poor because they don't tithe, then brags about his own level of giving. I've already documented on this blog the truth about tithing from SBC bible scholars like David Croteau and Andreas Kostenberger - but at SWBTS the up and coming pastors are instead taught the phony-baloney theology of Patterson to manipulate church members.

I'm not kidding, watching this explains so much of what we see in SBC churches today - wannabe Paige Pattersons who think their arrogance and pride comes across as intelligence and wisdom to the pew sitter.

Watch and learn. The Watchdog has captured this for your education and edification. That's right. Amen and amen.

Enjoy.

FBC Jax Watchdog

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"Young people, one of the reasons that you're poor, is because you've been cheating on God...I'm just saying many of you are poor because God can't bless you when you're stealing from him."
Paige Patterson to his SWBTS Seminary Students in Chapel 4/5/11



Paige Patterson entered the tithing debate in his SWBTS chapel sermon from 4/5/11 on the 8th commandment "thou shalt not steal". And of course no self-respecting Southern Baptist will teach on stealing, without touching on the worst form of stealing: robbing God by failing to give 10% of their income to the local church. Let's all say the eighth commandment: "thou shalt not, not tithe."
Patterson told his students that one of the reasons they are poor, is because they're robbing God of the tithe. But of course, he goes on to explain how wonderfully blessed he is, because when he was 15 years old he made a vow to God that he would give 20% of his income to the Lord in exchange for a pulpit to preach in every Sunday.
Patterson even says at times he had to borrow money to keep his 20% vow to the Lord. Perhaps Patterson wants his students to be tithing on their Pell Grants and federal student loans. Should they tithe on their "increase" when dear 'ol dad sends a few hundred bucks for expenses?
You'll also see and hear in the video where Patterson puts the principle of the tithe on par with one of the ten commandments. Really - you have to see it to believe it.
Someone needs to remind Patterson that according to the Old Testament standard, he too is robbing God, because 20% is still short of the 23 1/3% annual amount specified in the bible. And I think Jesus said something to the rich young ruler about selling all of his possessions. But Jesus apparently smiles on Patterson's 20%, and punishes the seminary students with poverty for their stinginess.
I can't decide which is more disgusting: watching a wealthy preacher who has literally traveled the world and made millions off of the generosity of Christians his whole life, tell these same Christians that they are poor because they don't tithe....or the thought that his students at his seminary listen and believe him, and will then repeat this rubbish to their own congregations.
This message really does harken back to the Catholic church and indulgences: telling the poor to give their alms to the religious institution so that they and their seed may be blessed by God - while the religious leaders live high on the hog as evidence of how God has blessed them and not the plebe.
SWBTS seminary students, do you really buy this? And are you going to teach this doctrine to your churches?
Pastor search committee members: you might want to play this video when interviewing any SWBTS seminary grads and ask your prospective hire if they really believe this taught by their seminary's high priest.
Watch the video above and enjoy, as you watch legalism and prosperity gospel - Southern Baptist Style - in full display.

Best of WD: "Want to Start a Church? Then Get a Job, Pastor"

From the 2011 Watchdog archives, below is an article commenting on "church planters".

I still wince when I hear full-time ministers discuss THEIR profession as being "in the ministry", while everyone else holds "secular" jobs.

Not saying that the job of minister or pastor is a piece of cake, but those "in the ministry" should see what the peeps jobs are like, working 60 hours a week, no affirmation, no "sabbaticals" for a "time of refreshing".

Anyways, enjoy this installment of "The Best of WD":

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In his blog post "How to Plant a Church With Little or No Outside Funding", Les Puryear gives 6 tips on how someone who feels led to start a church can do it without tapping into the SBC resources.

I commend Les for this kind of thinking. Yes, a church can be started without having to tap a financial straw into the SBC Cooperative Program. It can be done with putting no one's money at risk.

But as Les points out, it would require the church planter to do something they are not prone to do, and for which their years at seminary have left them completely unprepared:

They must get a real job. Or what Les calls a "secular" job.

1. Get a Secular Job" is Les's # 1 tip.

Les' plan is for the planter to start a "bible study" in the home, with the idea it will grow into a church plant. So toward this end, Les' offers his explanation about this "secular job", and how long the "planter" must endure it, and how to get out of it, and why it would be good for business:
"Don't take any salary from the new church until the church can meet its financial needs for startup costs and weekly expenses. Also, when you are in a secular job, you are actually around lost people. These are the people you are trying to reach with your new church plant."
Let me give you the Watchdog's "WIV" interpretation of that paragraph:

"Get yourself a real job, but only until you can get enough members into your home bible study to the point you can begin collecting money they earn in THEIR secular jobs, take that money, rent some space for your church, quit your real job, and then begin drawing an income as a "pastor". And in the meantime you can use the opportunity of rubbing elbows with lost people in your secular job to invite them to your bible study, where you can teach them tithing and they can begin contributing money toward the goal of quitting your job and becoming their pastor."
I know that is cynical. But if a pastor can get a "secular job", and if they are a solid bible teacher and have a bible study in their home, why must the natural progression be: get job - start bible study - collect money from those who do work - quit job - rent space - become pastor - have church?

Why can't a church planter just do what most committed Christians do: they have careers and families, and they serve the body of Christ for free as a part of their time away from work. I have seen the most committed Christians lay people work a full time job, AND be incredibly productive in ministry at a church for no pay at all.

I think Les' use of the word "secular job" is significant. I know he is using it to differentiate from a "religious" job such as a pastor...but let's be real. I wish pastors would stop viewing their jobs as ministers as something different or "special" from those who work in "secular" jobs. Their jobs as minister is "secular" every bit as much as a school teacher's or a doctor, or anyone else. They have a job, they have an employer, they have a boss to whom they are accountable, they have a job description, and they earn pay in exchange for their services. They get evaluated, and they earn raises based on their tenure and performance. I know pastors and ordained ministers say they were "called by God" into their ministry, but they are working stiffs like anyone else is. A pastor or a minister is not any more called into their profession than an engineer, doctor, or educator, or electrician, etc.

I also noticed that Les advocates "have your wife get a secular job" and putting the kiddos in public school. Yes, "have" her (make her, as she must obey you) go out and get a secular job, too. Les says she needs to be around "lost people", so get her out there to make a buck to help you start your church.

My advice for Les: keep your secular job, maybe even go to night school and re-educate yourself to get a better job, but keep your Bible study in your home. If you teach tithing to your attendees, have them tithe and imagine what good you could accomplish in your community helping people with that cash flow that does not have to go to buildings, utilities, and salaries. If the bible study gets too big, then sure, rent out the YMCA for your meetings. Or meet at a library or a conference room of one of your attendees' employers.

It is called "home church" or "organic church" - a church without a team of men who demand payment for their ministry services, and they are becoming more and more popular.

Get Ready for the Best of the FBC Jax Watchdog

Hi Readers - in between my attempts at satire, I will be publishing some of the best and eternally relevant (in my humble, but correct, opinion) blog posts over the past 10 years. There is a lot to choose from - nearly 900 blog posts.

As I peruse these older posts, I'm shocked at some of the shenanigans these charlatan pastors have tried to pull, and every so often it is worth revisiting these so maybe the new converts to the mega church scene can be warned.

Some of you old timers remember when Teddy Kennedy in the 1970's and maybe early 1980's would every so often float the idea of running for president, reporters would go into their proverbial closets and get out their notes on the Mary Jo Kopechne tragedy. Teddy would quickly realize they still have the goods on him, and his aspirations would be dashed. So, too, us bloggers should revisit the shenanigans of mega church pastors.

It seems the more churches and pastors change, the more things stay the same. So much of what I've written is still so relevant, and so needed - again, in my truly humble opinion.

So get ready, and ENJOY.

FBCJW

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Perry Noble Announces His New Church in South Carolina - The Church of Universal Life at Timmonsville

Timmonsville, SC (WD) - Sources close to Perry Noble say he is only days away from announcing the location of his new church - the Church of Universal Life at Timmonsville (CULT) - a little more than one year after being dismissed as senior pastor at the church he founded, Newspring Church based in Anderson.

Noble's new start-up church will be located in Timmonsville, SC, in the eastern half of South Carolina just outside of Florence, about 200 miles away from Newspring Church.

Sources say that Noble plans to build the church rapidly into an international church, with satellite CULT's planned from Toronto, followed by Tallahassee, Florida.

An Hispanic satellite in Bradenton, Florida is planned, and will be called Church de Life Universal at Bradenton (CLUB).

Perry says his CULT locations will be built on the emphasis of the "universal love of God for all people", along with the love expressed for God through the tithing of his followers.

"My greatest regret in having left Newspring was not being able to continue to teach and warn Christians of the danger of not tithing," said Noble. "Our CULT will be built through the faithful tithing of our CULT members, and the Lord will certainly prosper."

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Ark Encounter Announces "Eeyore the Talking Donkey" Exhibit

Williamstown, KY (WD) - The Ark Encounter evangelical Christian theme park has announced this week their plans for a new "Eeyore the Talking Donkey" exhibit - based after the historical Old Testament story of Balaam's talking donkey documented in Numbers 22:21-29.

"Eyore is one of the most beloved talking donkey characters in children folklore," said Alan Barnes of Ark Encounter, "So our exhibit design team determined that the truthfulness of Balaam's talking donkey in the Old Testament can best be shown to our younger visitors by tying it to the character of Eyore in A.A. Milne's Winnie the Pooh children's classic."

Barnes says the initial exhibit design will depict Balaam as Christopher Robin, who will be shown beating Eeyore. The angels that appeared in the road that caused Eeyore to stop and crush Christopher Robin's foot (as described in Numbers 22:25) will be shown as Piglet and little Roo, hanging by their tails from a tree branch.

"When smaller children see the Eeyore exhibit, they will be able to connect the idea of a talking donkey they have learned about in bedtime stories, to the historical, factual account of the Lord causing a donkey to talk to a man named Balaam thousands of years ago." said Barnes. "Additionally, the nail holding Eeyore's tail in place is a reminder to the boys and girls of the nails that held Jesus to the cross, and paid for the children's sins."

According to Barnes, other ideas for the exhibit include the Donkey character from the Shrek series, and Baba Looey, the fictional Mexican burro in the Quick Draw McGraw cartoon series from the 1970's.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Watchdog's Characteristics of a Religious "Fundamentalist"

On Facebook recently some of my friends were discussing the definition of "fundamentalism" and "legalism". I use the term "fundamentalist" quite frequently, mostly in terms of defining what I am no longer, but used to be some 10 years ago and earlier.

Rather than giving a definition of religious fundamentalism, I think I can better define it by listing what the characteristics are of a fundamentalist. Most of these characteristics I think are "all or none", but I suppose a religious fundamentalist may display a subset of these.

Keep in mind, most of these characteristics I could add a phrase at the end or beginning:  "Without any objective evidence whatsoever....", so I will refrain from repeating that.

So here I go:

1. A fundamentalist believes (claims) that the single most important aspect of their life IS their religion and the practice of their religion.

2. A fundamentalist believes (claims) that their relationship with an unknown and unseeable God is the single most important "relationship" - trumping relationships with their spouse, children, parents, etc. Thankfully, almost every fundamentalists only makes this claim, and their day-to-day activities and decisions prove that they truly do not believe this. But it is a duty of every good fundamentalist to at least state this claim in some form or fashion.

3. A fundamentalist believes - no, they KNOW -  their religion is the ONE religion that gives a pathway to heaven and hell, and those who are outside of their religious sect are headed to an eternity of damnation. And this they hold to with great fervor, without any doubt whatsoever, despite a lack of any objective evidence whatsoever.

4. A fundamentalist will believe their holy text, as written in English, is completely true, without any error whatsoever, and completely whole containing answers to all of life's issues  - AND, they believe that anyone who doesn't agree with this tenant is not a true member of their faith community, and is therefore lost and going on to eternal damnation. This was one of the key points of the Southern Baptist conservative resurgence - and many good men were destroyed over this tenant.

5. A corollary to #3: A fundamentalist will actually worry (i.e. spend time contemplating and losing some measure of their happiness) that their loved ones who don't believe the above are going to spend all of eternity burning in an unquenchable hell-fire, and never being consumed.

My fundamentalist friends will unashamedly say "Why, yes, numbers 1 through 5 ARE what I believe; you mean YOU don't???" And thus, there is no way I could be a "real" Christian and not agree with #1 through #5 above.

But, I am not an atheist. I am a Christian. And I maintain that my views on #1 through #5 are none of your business - maybe I do, maybe I don't believe some or all. But I am a Christian. Period. But sadly, to fundamentalists, that is not good enough. To not give assent to all five statements makes me not a true believer, and I'm headed to the lake of fire. Forever and ever, never to be consumed or extinguished. Crap.

The journey out of fundamentalism for me is one that would take many chapters to explain, so I won't do that here. I'll just say I thank God - yes, I thank God - that I am no longer a fundamentalist.

Oh, and what is legalism? I'm not sure, I would have to leave that up to the fundamentalists to determine.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Church Members: Watch Out for the Shakedown Artists Posing as "Men-of-God"

Hi Readers, here is another article from the archives. Church members, during this season of tithing sermons and capital campaigns, be on the lookout for shakedown artists in he pulpit. Maybe this article will help you spot the charlatans and their gimmicks.
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Leave it to Steve Gaines to once again preach a whopper of a tithing sermon in this season of tithing madness.

His sermon on November 3rd, 2013 really was a shake down. Merriam-Webseter defines "shake down" as:

"The act of taking something (such as money) from someone by using threats or deception."

Gaines uses both threats AND deception in this sermon to try to convince his members they must give more to the church, else bad things might happen to them for "robbing God".

Gaines uses Malachi 3 to tell Christians at his church that the thought of "robbing God" scares him - with the obvious implication that those who don't tithe should be scared not to give 10% to his church. Watch the video.


I sure wish more Christians would wake up and see how terrible this is for a supposed "Man of God" to try to deceive people who really do believe the Bible, who really do look at him as a man sent to help them understand the Bible. He infers something bad will happen if they don't tithe, that they can't be intimate with God, and they can't fully worship God - unless they begin giving 10%. These preachers want to tell us that God loves us, and God forgives and forgets our sins - but that he also will work with "the devourer" to hurt us if we don't give 10% to the preacher's church. Which is it? They want us to believe God is some sort of mafia boss that collects on what he is owed. They make the gospel into "bad news".

Gaines then goes into great detail to brag about how HE has tithed every bit of his income his entire life, since he was cutting yards in Dyersburg, Tennessee as a little boy. If only the people would be as holy as Steve, they too could be as blessed as he is. Show us the tax returns, Steve.

And so ironic really: that of ALL the people in the building that morning who might possibly be "robbing God", it would be Steve himself. I mean if the people are giving money to the church, because it is God's money to do God's will - who is the one in the building who is taking most of it for himself to spend as he wishes? It is Steve himself who is taking hundreds of thousands of dollars per year to live a rather lavish lifestyle.

Lastly, Steve throws out this humdinger:

"If you can't trust God with 10% of your money, are you really going to tell me that you can you trust him with your soul?"

So you might not even be capable of being a Christian, of trusting God for salvation, unless you give 10%. That is spiritual abuse. It is a shake down.

People of Bellevue Baptist Church, I'm sorry that this preacher does this to you in your own church. I know that for several decades you had Adrian Rogers as your preacher, and now you have to put up with this nonsense.

But let me ask this question to you folks at Bellevue:

"If you can't trust Steve Gaines to be truthful regarding your finances, how can you trust him regarding matters of your soul?"

Friday, June 30, 2017

Giving Money to Your Church is "Trusting God with Your Finances?" Come On!!!

Readers: I am going to be posting some previous Watchdog posts that might prove helpful during the coming days when pastors will be ramping up their fund raising tactics.

Enjoy!

“How can you trust God with your salvation, if you can’t trust him with your finances?”

Another tool of manipulation used by charlatans and their enablers is the rhetorical question above, or variations or implications of it. I’ve heard this question, or some form of it, so many times by so many pastors, that I’m not going to attribute it to anyone in particular. You have probably heard it too, or will soon, if not already.  Usually, the pastor will trot out this seemingly logical rhetorical question during his tithing sermon. Or when you are not doing what he wants. The implication is that you are indeed trusting Jesus for salvation (which we all certainly should do), but you are not trusting God with your finances (because you are not giving enough).  You should do both, right? WRONG.

Here are a few obvious problems with this type of question and this dangerous line of thinking.  First, and I mean number one, is that the pastor is not God. The 501(c)(3) that hired him and pays him is not God.  Therefore, how does writing your church a check equate to trusting God with your finances?  In other words, another way to say this is for the pastor to say: 

“You can’t trust me for your salvation, and you can’t trust this 501(c)(3) for your salvation, so why in the world would you trust your finances to us?”  

But they don’t want you to hear it that way.  They want you to be coerced into agreeing with a statement about trusting God with your salvation (which we all must do), with giving money to the church to pay its overhead, salaries, debt and a small percentage going to actual ministry to the lost, poor, hurting, orphan and widow.

Second, in answer to your question pastor and enablers, is that we should only be trusting in God for things God does, and not for things God does not do.  Only God can bring salvation.  The doctor can’t save us. The policeman can’t save us.  The auto mechanic can’t save us.  We don’t go to those people for salvation.  We go to God. We trust God with our salvation because He is the only one that can possibly save us. Does that answer your question brother pastor?    

Third, the reverse implications of this question are just as true as the one your pastor is trying to make.  Have you ever stopped to consider that you don’t trust God with your high blood pressure? Of course not.  If you have HBP, you take a pill every single day, day in and day out, for the rest of your life.  But your arrogant preacher isn’t asking you “If you don’t trust God with your HBP, how can you trust him with your salvation?” It makes no sense to do so does it?  What about your safety. Do you pray for God’s protection and then live in a gated community, hire a team of security officers, carry a concealed weapon, lock your doors at night, and stay out of dangerous places?   Do you call the police, or rely on your local police and Sheriff’s department to keep your city safe?  Then you are not trusting God for your protection are you?  But is your preacher asking you "How can you trust God with your finances if you don’t trust him with your security?"  The biggest slice of our city budget here in Jacksonville is for our brave and highly trained police force.  We are not trusting God with this vital area, we are trusting our police.  And what about your finances?  Are you getting up and going to work, working hard long hours day after day, month after month, year after year to earn money so you can have food, clothing, shelter and transportation?  Then you my friend, are trusting in your efforts, reaping what you are sowing, and not trusting in God (or your pastor, or your church) to put food on your table, support your family, and pay your taxes that pay those indispensable police men and women.

What about technology and transportation?  You love the advances that science and “the world” have made in technology, cell phones, computers, automobiles, river boats, cruise ships, airplanes, and medicine.  Yet, you criticize science and scientists who don’t believe the same facts you do about your religion.  You certainly trust them when you get in your car, get on that plane, and use that cell phone to call for help, or perform your job duties.  So has your pastor asked “How can you trust God with your salvation if you don’t trust him with your transportation needs, or technology needs, or physical needs?"  If your car breaks down, do you trust God to fix it?  Of course not. 

The question makes no sense except as one to try and manipulate people that love Jesus and want to serve God.

Do Christians go to the doctor when we are sick.  Do surgeons save our lives if we need surgery? Or do we “trust God” to heal us?  Does the Mayo clinic call pastors or faith healers to heal those in need of a heart bypass? Seen any faith healers over at Wolfson’s childrens hospital's cancer treatment center?  What about Autism and Alzheimer’s disease that afflicts our young and old?  Are you trusting in the church, or God, to heal those conditions? Or are you hoping science will find a cure through research and education and training? And are you elderly or disabled.  Guess what, your government is paying your disability and your social security and providing police and fire protection and paving your roads, and paying our military, and providing parks, and feeding the poor and on and on. But your pastor criticizes them while doing none of the above. But he does advertise the Holy Land trip he is leading and the cruise he will be taking.  Makes you sick doesn't it?  No?  Why not?

So, the better question then the one your pastor asks above, is why trust your pastor/church with your finances at all?  Why trust them to do anything that you actually rely on and need each day.  They don’t protect you, they don’t pay your bills, they don’t heal you, they don’t transport you, they don’t build roads, they don’t provide parks, they don’t support the poor or disabled, and they don't do anything for you at all.  So next time your pastor asks you “How can you trust God with your salvation if you can’t trust him with your finances?”, you can tell him to his face, or quietly reply in your heart: “That’s easy. I only trust God for what only He can do, which is my salvation. And you preacher, and this church, are not God.  So I agree, I don’t trust you with my finances, but I easily trust God with my salvation.”  Next question please.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

So Your Daughter Married a Man of Whom You Don't Approve

Well, it happened. As much as  you thought it couldn't happen, your beloved daughter married a man that you can't stand. She had dated another man for quite a long time, and you were sure, almost 100% positive she would pick THAT guy - the "right" guy, in your eyes.

Instead, she started dating a different guy. You didn't think too much of it, you thought it was kind of funny at first, because you knew this "loser" didn't have a chance at your daughter. You didn't object too loudly, as you just knew your daughter wouldn't marry the guy you didn't approve of. She is too smart, you thought. No way. He's dreaming if he ever thinks he can win your daughter over.

After all, this guy doesn't share your values. He doesn't work as hard as you. He's not well spoken, a bit of a bumbler and stumbler with his words, and there is just something about him that makes him untrustworthy in your eyes.

He has a bit of a checkered past. He was perhaps a womanizer in the past, although now he seems much more stable and is beyond that phase.

The guy you thought would be your wife's husband was just as surprised as you! He can't believe that his long-time girlfriend picked this loser. To this day, he still hasn't come to grips with his loss. He just can't see how this could happen. He realizes now there were some areas that he just didn't pay attention to; there were some warning signs that she felt a bit abandoned and forgotten by him, but he thought he already had her heart captured and locked up.

But he was wrong.

The wedding has happened. Your daughter picked the wrong guy, you think. Although he has pledged his love and has made many promises to your daughter, you don't believe him. You think he's a fake.

But it is too late now. He is now your daughter's husband.

He is now YOUR son-in-law. He is now part of the family, and has promised to care for and protect your daughter.

So now what do you do NOW?

Well, you could never let your daughter forget that she picked the wrong man. You could at every opportunity remind your daughter what a loser he really is. You can try to find more character flaws and bring them up at every family function. You can try to persuade the other family members, day after day, that this guy is not worthy to be in your extended family, or to be the husband of your daughter.

Yes, you could do that. And you know, you might very well be successful and break up the marriage. You might be able to convince your daughter to dump him after she sees the error of her ways. Just keep pushing. Find everything wrong with him. Don't rest. Time is short. Your daughter's future is at stake; so be relentless in your pursuit to get him out of the family.

Every flaw you find, every stupid thing he does as a young husband, bring it up to your daughter and family members - make THAT the last straw.  "See!  What an idiot! Why did you marry him!!"

But is that what you should do? Do you love your daughter? Do you love your family?

Or are you just interested in getting YOUR way? Are you incapable of seeing the good in him, the potential he has? Are you so intolerant that you can't see things from your daughter's viewpoint? Can't you bring yourself to see that there IS some good in him that your daughter sees?  Perhaps if you had more respect for your daughter, you COULD understand her.

Before you keep trying to break up the marriage, stop and think. Is that what you want? Do you want your daughter to go through the turmoil and pain and loss of a divorce when you and the other family members haven't even given the guy a chance? Doesn't he AT LEAST deserve a chance to show you that he can be the husband you want for your daughter? Doesn't your daughter - the one who chose to marry him and bring him into the family - deserve the chance to show you that she picked a good guy, the RIGHT guy?

Or maybe you just have no respect for your daughter and think she's too stupid and gullible to choose correctly whom she will marry. I hope you don't feel that way. She doesn't see things quite like you do, but that doesn't mean she is incapable of discernment to choose a mate.

And what if - just WHAT IF - he actually turns out to be a good husband. What if he turns out to be much better than you expected? You know, sometimes marriage has a way of changing a man. Don't let your hatred of the man himself, cloud your ability to see the good he can be for your daughter and family. Won't you feel, well, sort of stupid, if he ends up being one of the best men in the family after he perseveres your ridicule and score?

So please. If you love your family and your daughter, stop the obsession with breaking up your daughter's marriage. If you ARE successful, I have a feeling you will regret it. The pain it will bring everyone in your family - the split it will cause in the family - will be ever so painful. And besides, if you are successful, how do you know the next guy is going to be any better?

For the sake of your family, give the guy a chance.

Please.

If you love your family - if you love your daughter - give the guy a chance.

If you love your country and fellow citizens - if you truly want what's best for us all - accept the man for who he is, faults and warts and all. Let's hope for the best.

Just give the man a chance.

Thanks.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

God Squads Coming to a Mega Church Near You!

I was quite surprised to hear this week that a Birmingham, Alamaba mega church is close to getting their own police force!

But this makes perfect sense - the pastor of this church and his deacons/board members should be congratulated for coming up with the best idea in modern evangelicalism in recent years: hire your OWN police force!

Albert Mohler and Ronnie Floyd and Steve Gaines - you need to put this on your agenda for the Southern Baptist Convention Annual Meeting this June!

Of course the argument is that churches need protection from events like Sandy Hook - as the Birmingham church states in its recent press release.

But pastors, take note: there are some other wonderful benefits of hiring your own police officers that are paid by the people of the church, and who ultimately report to the pastor:

1. If an anonymous blogger begins to criticize your pastor and his decisions and calls him a pompous ass, you have officers who can open an investigation, and when someone on the church staff expresses fear that the blogger is a kook, they can send a subpoena request to the local state attorney's office to force the blogger's ISP to hand over his name. Your own cops can then leak the name to Pastor, then shut down the case and destroy the documents, and then Pastor and the churchmen can kick the crazy blogger out of the church. Problem solved!

2. If someone on staff is accused of sexual misconduct, you have a police force to which the initial report can be made. The church cops can then investigate the charges and report directly to the pastor the results of their investigation so the Man of God can determine what should be done. Why should a Man of God have to rely on those "godless" pagan city cops to investigate - they certainly don't understand how sexual molestation charges can damage the Lord's work! Churches need to keep it all in the family.

And don't forget: all evangelical churches worth a darn will exercise "church discipline" on their wayward members. If a church has their own God Squad police force, they can include the force of law on the discipline committee, putting the fear of God in the church members to keep them in line!

Non tithing church member? Have Officer Smith write a "warning" that they are breaking God's law. The church police can enforce both man's laws, AND God's laws! Gossiping church member? Chief Jones can open an investigation and make an arrest based on Malachi 3 and bring the offender to the discipline committee.

I predict this is a trend that will sweep evangelicalism. As mega churches continue to gobble up dying churches and their properties as satellite locations, they will hire their own police forces.

I just wish I had come up with the idea for one of my April Fool's posts.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Eddie Long Dies - An Icon of the Stench of Modern Megachurch Prosperity Preachers

"Bishop" Eddie Long, the pastor of the Atlanta megachurch New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, has died. It seems Eddie died after a brief fight with an aggressive cancer.

Most of the national media reports of his death include mention of the 2010 scandal involving the four young men who claimed the good Bishop groomed them through their youth and used them for his homosexual sexual gratification. True to form of these mega church pastors caught with their pants down, Eddie's victims were paid off with funds from the ministry and he continued as a spiritual guru to thousands of gullible church members.

The Watchdog did write a few articles about Long and his scandal, and some of the disgusting responses to the scandal. I wanted to post links here to two of these articles.

Creflo Dollar Calls Eddie Long's Sexual Predation a 'Fenderbender':  This first was Creflo Dollar's defense of Long's sexual abuse scandal, equating his sexual abuse to simply a "wreck" - like it was all a bad accident that should be overlooked. Creflo characterized Long as the victim of discerning church members who wished to hold Long accountable (sound familiar?). The above link includes the video of Creflo Dollar.

Prepare Ye the Way of the Cult: Eddie Long is Literally Lifted High. This second article was about church service where Long was wrapped in a supposedly 300 year old Jewish scroll, and proclaimed to be a king and given a crown and lifted high on a thrown and paraded around the church. If you didn't have the video to watch, you would never believe me. Again, read the Watchdog article, and see the video at the link above. It is a good reminder of just how demented people's minds have to be in order to be duped by the nonsense slung by Long.

Long was a despicable human being for sure. He used a perversion of Christianity to get his hands on people's wallets and their genitals. But those who supported Long with their money and love and adoration also share in the blame - they helped form this man into who he became and granted him the power and provided the venue for his abuses.

The good news is that over the years as Long's generation passes, I believe the Millennials will not be so gullible. They have access to blogs and social media which help shine a glaring light on the actions of these charlatans. Most major denominations see this declining trend, and there is not much they can do to reverse it except to market their nonsense to the uneducated and insecure.

I am glad THIS blog was part of the cataloging and analysis of just a small part of the abuses of supposed men of God who use their religion to abuse good people through over six years of blogging and over 600 articles and hundreds of videos documenting it.

Did I just say that? You better believe I did.